Childhood Emotional Neglect Leaves You Feeling Sad Even When Everything in Your Life Seems Right.
Emotional neglect is not something that was done to you. It was something that failed to happen for you, making it invisible, but I know that it happens and that it’s real. I’m Michelle Halle, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist in Lakewood, NJ. I help people recover from emotional neglect and live a healthier and more fulfilled adult life.
What do children need in order to grow into emotionally healthy adults?
Children need physical and emotional care from their parents. If your emotional needs were not sufficiently met, you may experience some feelings in adulthood that prevent you from forming meaningful relationships with others. Look at the column on the right to see a list of symptoms of childhood emotional neglect. Do you recognize any of them in yourself?
Click to view my article: Wong: When Emotions Go Neglected
Some symptoms of childhood emotional neglect:
You have a hard time knowing what you feel
You believe that there is something wrong with you
You feel hollow or empty inside
You feel disconnected from those you should feel close to
You question whether your feelings are valid
You believe that feelings are “bad”
You are overly self-critical
You frequently feel shame
You believe that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself
Emotional Neglect is Complex Trauma
Childhood trauma takes several forms, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and emotional neglect. Emotional neglect is complex trauma that can result in complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Everyone has heard of PTSD, but C-PTSD is different. Complex-PTSD, also known as relational trauma or childhood trauma, is more than a single event. It is a series of events or one prolonged event perpetuated by a caregiver or someone else in the child’s life who is supposed to protect them, not hurt them. The characteristics of C-PTSD include:
Occurrence in early life
Caused by a parent or caregiver
Goes on for years
The child is alone in the trauma
The child continues to have contact with the perpetrator
The child’s trust was broken
Common Experiences of Emotional Neglect
If you were taught that feelings are bad then you know that it’s a really difficult way to live. We have feelings all day long. Feelings come and go. They are not good or bad, they are just feelings. Some feelings are stronger than others but they all mean something.
It’s important to understand what your feelings are telling you. If you’re feeling anxious, maybe you don’t feel safe. If you’re feeling lonely, maybe you need to meet more people. If you’re feeling angry, maybe someone crossed a boundary and you need to let them know. If you’re feeling overwhelmed maybe you’ve agreed to do something that is not right for you.
Being able to understand what you’re feeling and what makes you feel that way is the key to a better you..
When you were taught to cut off from your feelings, you were taught to cut off from yourself.
That’s never a good thing. You always want to be listening to the cues your mind and body send you. Being attuned to what you think and feel is what makes you into who you are. Being emotionally neglected hurt but it doesn’t mean that you have to go through the rest of your life hurting and feeling cut off from yourself. You can reconnect to yourself and connect to others.
You can overcome childhood emotional neglect.
I can help you:
Get to know yourself better.
Realize it is okay to depend on people.
Feel more connected to others.
Learn to identify your feelings and name them.
Express your feelings comfortably.
But My Parents are Good People
Yes. It’s not a blame game.
Parents fail to meet their children’s emotional needs for a variety of reasons.
Parents who were unable to meet their children’s emotional needs can be the result of their own trauma history, a chronic health condition, or having been emotionally neglected themself. Your parents couldn’t give you what they didn’t have.
Understanding that it is not your fault or theirs relieves you of the anger, resentment and shame.
You can change the cycle for your own family by identifying what you did not get from your own parents, learn how to give yourself what you need, and doing this for your own children.
You can break the cycle of relational trauma.
How to Schedule a Childhood Emotional Neglect Therapy Session
I welcome you to contact me by phone or email. Online therapy sessions are available.